06
May

Volkswagen: Verstehen Sie Irony?

I was like, Emiliooooooo!

Yet another shirt sponsor was announced earlier today, this one involving the oft over hyped DC Whonited, who abandoned their famous Adidas inspired three horizontal stripes at the start of the season (and in turn played the first few games in a hideous solid black kit that looked more like a training jersey than one fit for matchplay) in favor of a brand-spakin’-new Volkswagen logo. The deal struck seems rather lucrative, set to pump $14 million into the club over the next five years, an option at naming rights for DC’s fictional new soccer specific stadium, and even free parking to the first 50 VW cars that pull into the lot on gameday. Now to some, this might seem like a rather positive step for D(i)C(k), and the league as a whole, to have yet another successful and recognizable company on board. However, I can’t help but feel my conspiracy theory paranoia rearing its ugly head…

Continue reading ‘Volkswagen: Verstehen Sie Irony?’

04
May

be fucking honest.

It doesn’t matter how you feel about Manchester United. It doesn’t matter how you feel about Christiano Ronaldo. Either way, you have to admit the guy has had a sick as fuck season. How sick exactly? How about you try scoring your 40th goal of the season in the Premiership with your dick and make it look as if you’re so bored you might drift off to sleep at any second. (1:50-2:40)

Yeah… thought so.

04
May

No Excuses This Time

Ok, so maybe Beantown crybabies might cling to the one excuse they actually still have left, whining “We still don’t have Twellman wah wah wah,” then proceed to drown their sorrows with a twelve pack of glass-ridden Sam Adams, put on their favorite Red Sox jersey, rub one out while watching a well worn VHS copy of Good Will Hunting, and pass out on the couch in a pile of what I can only assume is a healthy mix of vomit, urine, semen, and possibly some bloody stool.

Continue reading ‘No Excuses This Time’

02
May

Photo of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever

My girlfriend recently showed me this picture from www.wintrest.com. It’s from a series of pictures entitled “If Celebrities Lived in Oklahoma.” Do you recognize this celebrity power couple?

02
May

Much overdue and about nothing

Well ladies and gents, we’re now a solid 6 weeks into the season without a single post.

Oops.

Continue reading ‘Much overdue and about nothing’

22
Feb

you know what? fuck you, bolton.

Seriously, Bolton.

Fuck you.

One, I’ve seen you in all your post-WW2 English architectural glory.  You are hideous.  And your football team reflects this.

Yes, I predicted Atletico to win the entire UEFA Cup.  Why shouldn’t I?  Why should I think that some awful hoof-ball, bullshit team would beat them out?

 …because that’s exactly what happened.  It’s exactly what happened you…you pricks.  1-0 at home and 0-0 away?  What a fucking surprise, Bolton.

Fun fact: “Bolton” takes its name from an ancient Gaelic word meaning “those with passable sporting abilities with shit entertainment value.”

 Postscript: Don’t worry Sagnol…you’ll get yours.

13
Feb

we’re number 2! we’re number 2!

Last week saw yet another meeting between the U.S. Mens National team in a “friendly” (I believe there is no such thing as a friendly. Especially not between the U.S. and Mexico. And especially not when this happens.) with the national team of Mexico. The two played to a 2-2 draw, with every blog in cyberspace being quick to point out that a draw is not a loss, and therefore our unbeaten streak remains intact.

Whatever.

That game has been dissected to death, so I’m not about to reiterate what has already been said a dozen times over. On the contrary, this post is far more self-serving.

In honor of the match, last week on SBI Ives held yet another of his “You Write the Caption” contests about this picture of USMNT/NJ Red Bulls rookie Jozy Altidore schooling Mexico/Barça defender Rafael Marquez in the US/Mexico friendly last Wednesday.

12
Feb

the completely glamour-less glamour of the uefa cup

The UEFA Cup Round of 32 was announced today, and I can’t help but be a little more enthused than I am about…well, anything involving the Champion’s League.

Here’s a list of fixtures I deem interesting after the jump:

Continue reading ‘the completely glamour-less glamour of the uefa cup’

11
Feb

An Undeserved Pat On The Back

This past Sunday marked the 148th Derby in the history of Manchester football - a rivalry that has been talked about to death in the last few weeks (sidenote: ManU - Liverpool > ManU - Man City).  It’s always a good game, and there’s some real enmity there.  This month’s fixture at Old Trafford was especially notable in that this past Wednesday marked the 50th Anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster, a tragedy that was, indeed, felt on both the red and blue halves of the city thanks to the death of Frank Smith, former City goalkeeper.

Let’s be blunt: if you follow English football, especially if you follow United, you’ve heard about this.  This is not a eulogizing post, so let’s move right the fuck along, shall we?

There has been much celebration all over the football media today about the impeccable behavior of the “traveling” City supporters during the much-ballyhooed minute’s silence that took place at Old Trafford before kick-off.  City manager Sven-Goran Eriksson didn’t hesitate at all to heap plaudits onto his team’s fans for, essentially, shutting the fuck up.

Am I the only one who sees something tangibly wrong with this?  Believe me…I’m all for hatred.  I’m no hooligan wannabe, but I do think the modern game is too sterile.  I celebrated and sang about how Croydon isn’t really London (alone, in my room, watching the teletext feed) when Charlton did the double over Crystal Palace this past Friday.  I’ve decided against dating girls simply because they are Chicago Cubs fans.  But honestly.  There is a big, fat, fucking Magnum-drawn line between sporting hatred and class.

Let’s run with the Cubs-Sox analogy for a minute here.  Let’s say, in some freak accident, half the Cubs team happens to die.  In this next season’s interleague game, a minute’s silence is observed.  I hate the Cubs.  Hate.   Hate.  Would I say anything?  Fuck.  No.  Why?  Because this kind of thing transcends sports - it’s a matter of human respect and decency.  I don’t care if you’re some meatheaded lager-swilling lout from Macclesfield (I apologize, I couldn’t think of any City-supporting areas of Manchester offhand), if you can’t possibly keep your trap shut for a minute just because the young men who died fifty years ago wore a different shirt than your boys…then there’s no hope for you.

So, congratulations, fans of Manchester City.  Congratulations on, uh…being human?  Normal?  Maybe I’m missing a key component of English football psychology here, but the fact that so many people are visibly elated by this is trouble.  Have we really slipped that low?  Or am I just a better person than I give myself credit for?

10
Jan

MLS Sponsors vol. 2

Ok ok ok… so this one is for real.

Continue reading ‘MLS Sponsors vol. 2′