06
Jan
08

So What’s Worse…Chavs or Eurosnobs?

Football is a different animal in England than it is in the States. The stadiums in America essentially suck the fattest of cocks (no roof? bowl design? A STAGE? give me Kenilworth Road any day), the quality of play in the MLS is possibly at a mid-table Fizzy Pop League standard, no promotion scheme…the usual complaints.

Like any sport, though, football in both England and America have one thing in common: some of the people who follow the sport are fucking annoying. Let’s discuss this further, shall we?

CHAVS

Right then, England. Anyone who even considers themselves a mild Anglophile (I’ll admit I’m a pretty raging one) knows exactly what a Chav is. They’re known by many names – Chavs, Neds (in Scotland), Hoodies, Scallies, or as I like to call them, Joeys. These little shits are essentially the white trash of England – decked out in shellsuits, fake gold, Reebok classics, Burberry, the works. Those little bastards ruined the Nike Air Max 90 for me. As it turns out, Canterbury, where I spent most of my time in England, is named as “the hub of Chav nation” by Chavtowns. That’s certainly relatively true, though I thought the obnoxious middle-class student brigade was just as bad. On the whole, Kent – especially the Medway area – was especially brutal.

Need to know what a Chav really is? Have some fun at ChavScum.

Needless to say, these nice, upstanding young men took quite a taste for football – it’s a “working class” sport that can, apparently, indulge their thirst for violence.

I use the word “violence” incredibly loosely, because as violent as Chavs can be – and I’ve seen it – most of them just love to posture at the football. They seem to be more active in “provincial” towns – I remember a rather small amount of young Gillingham fans (left) seemingly intent on getting a rise out of the completely disinterested traveling Bradford support at one game.

Chavs are really everything I hated about England rolled into one tracksuited package…but how do they shape up to the “American Disease?”

EUROSNOBS

The Eurosnob seems like a North American problem more than anything. If you follow football in the states, you know exactly who I’m talking about – the scumfucker who arbitrarily picked a team from overseas, seemingly becoming dyed-in-the-wool overnight. Most people pick teams like Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal, Barcelona, the Milans – you know, teams that win fucking everything and, as a result, are kind of boring to watch (at least to me). Finishing in fourth place is not drama. Relegation is drama. Promotion is drama.

The Eurosnob also enjoys bitching and moaning about the state of the game in America, whilst doing absolutely fuck-all to change it. They’ll pull on that $100 replica shirt from Eurosport at 6am to watch “their” team on TV, but more than likely will be unable to name half the starting 11 of their local MLS side, or in some cases even the US National team. Ask them why and they’ll find any reason – no tradition, no big-name players, the quality of play is low…of course it is, you fucking imbecile, and it’s not going to get any better unless people like you start putting money in the coffers by *gasp* going to a game or two!

I confess – I was once a Eurosnob myself. I went to England shortly after United’s treble in ’99, and was suddenly smitten. Thank fucking god I woke up from that nightmare. Thanks for paying $60 on a VanHorseFace jersey on ebay, whoever you are! I’ll even admit that it’s hard for me to root for the National Team – not because the football is shit (it is) but because I just can’t bring myself to cheer when Clint Dempsey puts it in the net. The reflex is still to yell “You cunt!” which doesn’t win one many friends.

So in the end…what’s worse? A total lack of culture or being so “enriched” by the “beautiful football” that is, say, Arsenal that you would gladly consume a Wenger shit sandwich?

It’s hard to call, but I’m going to say Chavs. Little bastards.

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