The MLS sponsor craze continues.

The 2007 season brought with it a plethora of changes to the league. The expansion of the league into the Great(ly overrated) White North with the addition of Toronto FC , the DP or Designated Player rule which brought with it Beckhamania (in case you couldn’t afford the $1000 per ticket on ebay and couldn’t attend a game, this is what it looked like), and the addition of jersey sponsors to bring additional revenue to the teams and give their kits a more “authentic feel as every other league in the world (give or take a few) adorn their shirts with sponsor logos as well.

The first, and arguably the most high profile, kit sponsor to the league were the New Jersey Red Bulls, RedBullshit Jersey

who not only sponsor the kit itself, but (obviously) rebranded the entire team. Soon to follow were Real Salt Lake with their sponsor, doomsday cult and energy drink company Xango Juice Mormon Jersey

Houston Dynamo with Amigo Energy couldn't find the jersey,

Toronto FC with BMO Financial Group ugh jersey(who is also their stadium sponsor), and

LA Galaxy with Herbalife la fuckers jersey

However, more recently New England striker and all around professional tool Taylor Twellman has landed a personal jersey sponsor in Glidden, the multibillion dollar paint company. Any fan of Twellman’s (or even both of them) could tell you that he likes his kits to be skintight so that his opponents are able to feel his rock hard nipples poking into their backs as he dry humps them on the field. But after enduring another tough season in the MLS, even skintight isn’t tight enough for Twellman anymore. That’s where Glidden comes in. Taking a cue from his Bobblehead, Twellman has opted to have his jersey painted on him before every match during the 2008 season. If this change gives him the aerodynamic advantage he hopes for on the pitch this coming year, sources close to Twellman (i.e. his mom) tell us he may even consider abandoning his boots and extending his contract to painting his feet his favorite shade of “Jizzed-in Sock” yellow for added touch on the ball.

The doors this move opens for other players in the league are infinite. And I, for one, am on the edge of my seat to see what’s next.


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