06
May
08

Volkswagen: Verstehen Sie Irony?

I was like, Emiliooooooo!

Yet another shirt sponsor was announced earlier today, this one involving the oft over hyped DC Whonited, who abandoned their famous Adidas inspired three horizontal stripes at the start of the season (and in turn played the first few games in a hideous solid black kit that looked more like a training jersey than one fit for matchplay) in favor of a brand-spakin’-new Volkswagen logo. The deal struck seems rather lucrative, set to pump $14 million into the club over the next five years, an option at naming rights for DC’s fictional new soccer specific stadium, and even free parking to the first 50 VW cars that pull into the lot on gameday. Now to some, this might seem like a rather positive step for D(i)C(k), and the league as a whole, to have yet another successful and recognizable company on board. However, I can’t help but feel my conspiracy theory paranoia rearing its ugly head…

Let’s look at the facts:

-Volkswagen (translation: “People’s Car”) is a German based car company that used Jewish slave labor and supplied the Nazi regime with war materials ranging from tanks to officer cars to rockets during WWII.

DC United’s Crest eerily resembles that of the Nazi Eagle.

-DC United’s supporter group, La Barra Brava uses a logo that eerily resembles that of the SS Skull.

-La Barra Brava’s motto, Muerte o Gloria, translates as “Death or Glory.” Death or Glory is also the title of an album by heavy metal band Running Wild, who is, surprise!, German.

-DC United plays in RFK Stadium, named for Robert F. Kennedy. Robert Kennedy’s brother, former president John F. Kennedy, once gave a famous speech in West Berlin, Germany where he declared “Ich bin ein Berliner.” (Translation: I am a Berliner)

David Hasselhoff, star of popular TV show Knight Rider, was born in neighboring Baltimore, Maryland. It is a proven fact that indeed, Germans love David Hasselhoff. He was also completely and solely responsible for the tearing down of the Berlin Wall. (While it is not entirely known if he is a United fan, the “coincidence” is too strong to ignore)

Now, am I saying that the Nazi party is secretly planning on using DC United as a vehicle to infiltrate the nation’s capitol and set up a fourth reich bent on world domination? My journalistic integrity (ha!) prohibits me from making such an outrageous claim, but I’ll let the evidence speak for itself.

Besides, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Volkswagen Uber Alles

Not sayin’, just sayin’.

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