We’re Like the Rolling Stones… just when you think we’re dead, we plan another tour.

So the MLS season is a short 12 days away, which means it’s time for us to get off our asses and start writing on here again. We’ve got big things planned for this year. Weekly pre and post game analysis of Fire matches, the odd commentary on foreign leagues, and plenty of miscellaneous bric-a-brac to keep us (and hopefully you as well) mildly entertained. Pretty lofty goals for two guys who can barely remember to bathe on a regular basis…

L.A.s Galaxy will have one less star in 2009.

L.A.'s Galaxy will have one less star in 2009.

It has been a fairly uneventful offseason, domestically speaking, with the exception being the clusterfuck in America’s asshole (i.e. Los Angeles). The “will-he-or-won’t-he” David Beckham soap opera appears to finally be coming to an end with a deal reported to be struck between the Gals and the Rossoneri (which I still think sounds like a drug for erectile dysfunction). Essentially what is “supposed” to happen (and I mean that very loosely, as nothing ever plays out how it’s supposed to in this league) with Mr. Spice is that he will play out the rest of the Serie A campaign in Milan, then rejoining L.A. 17 games into the season just in time to collect his final round of Boos before buying out the remaining time on his contract with the roll of cash he keeps tucked in his armani tighty whiteys, before hightailing it back to the San Siro. While this may give creedance to the global view of MLS as a bush-rate feeder league who is able to be pushed around by the powers that be of European football, the real victims here are the nation’s thrift stores who will soon be inundated with thousands of Herbalife™ 23 jerseys, which were bought at upwards of $70, but sold for 98¢ (49¢ if you go on ½ price Wednesdays). Keep your chin up though Salvation Army and Goodwill, just keep them in a giant box by the busted appliances, they make great dishtowels!

The other big (again… depending on what you consider big) news out of LA-LA land is the Gal’s favorite balding son will be returning this coming season. That’s right, you heard it here last, Landycakes swings  and misses for the third time in das Bundesliga, striking out and returning to the good ol’ U.S. of A (the only country in which Primadononvan seems to score). It’s a sad state of affairs when “the best current American soccer player” is still playing domestically and a good majority of his USMNT teammates are off in various parts of the world on prestigious teams. Granted, only a handful of them are dressing, and even less actually making an appearance on the pitch, but at least they’re out there living the dream. Maybe he should just go Ebbsfleet United style, use his own cash to buy a financially struggling 4th or 5th tier team, and sign himself. Though he still wouldn’t be granted any playing time. Americans don’t play soccer well you know.


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